Thursday, September 22, 2005
The World's local bank
I haven't had a good rant on here for a while, but there's one coming now!
Through the letterbox this morning came, along with the usual bills, etc, a circular from one of the major banks. They think I should open a new account with them, their new "Bank Account Plus", as it has "GB£600 + of benefits".
Let's take a closer look at the benefits shall we?
1. GB£100 Mortgage cashback: So, I presume to get this you need to open or have a mortgage with the same bank? Oh, and it may cost you more than this to change from your existing bank/building society mortgage, but they don't say this. Actual benefit = GB£Zero!
2. GB£10 Overdraft offer: Not sure what this is, but I guess they are claiming that they won't charge you if you have an overdraft on this new account? I am lucky, but I don't have an overdraft, but I know of accounts where you can have as much as GB£500 overdrafts for nothing, so actual benefit = GB£Zero!
3. GB£15 Savings offer: apparently this is an "indicative amount" and "assumes a Cash Mini ISA balance of GB£10k"!!! So to save a tenner, you need a ten grand ISA through this bank too. Wow. Actual benefit = GB£Zero!
4. GB£6.75 global ATM Access: This sounds good...I hate getting charged for withdrawing cash overseas. Actual benefit = GB£6.75.
5. GB£180 Comprehensive Worldwide Travel Insurance: I have a similar policy now and it costs just over GB£100. I don't therefore need another. Actual benefit = GB£Zero!
6. GB£87.50 Hotel discounts: these deals make me laugh! This is based on one family staying one night at Comfort Inn, Notting Hill, London. Why, when I live in London, would I want to stay in an expensive hotel in the middle on nowhere? Actual benefit = GB£Zero!
There's six more reasons - Identity theft assistance (GB£30 saving claimed), cheaper McAfee security software (GB£15), GB£30 cashback if you take a BT broadband connection, discounts on shopping (GB£30) and restaurants (GB£62.50), and also you can save GB£49 on a Thrilling Life experience offer if booked with Yippee-Experiences.com. Amazing; actual benefit = GB£Zero!
To actually get the benefit they say, you need to have a mortgage, a cash ISA, and an overdraft with this bank, travel overseas and make withdrawals from your account regularly (tough when you have an overdraft), zip around a track in a Ferrari, stay at Notting Hill hotels, eat in named restaurants, buy security software just in case bugs climb down your new Broadband line, and shop till you drop...
This sort of crap marketing makes me sick. I don't actually believe that anyone would take out a bank account based on getting any of the above. Would you? You would? Then OK, it gets better!
Would you pay for that priviledge? No? So the GB£12.95 a month they want to charge you (OK, only GB£9.95 for the first three months) isn't going to make you change yor mind is it! NO!!!
GROW UP MARKETEERS! We may be stoopid some of the time, but you cant' expect us to fall for this one! Local you may be, but you are daft too!
Through the letterbox this morning came, along with the usual bills, etc, a circular from one of the major banks. They think I should open a new account with them, their new "Bank Account Plus", as it has "GB£600 + of benefits".
Let's take a closer look at the benefits shall we?
1. GB£100 Mortgage cashback: So, I presume to get this you need to open or have a mortgage with the same bank? Oh, and it may cost you more than this to change from your existing bank/building society mortgage, but they don't say this. Actual benefit = GB£Zero!
2. GB£10 Overdraft offer: Not sure what this is, but I guess they are claiming that they won't charge you if you have an overdraft on this new account? I am lucky, but I don't have an overdraft, but I know of accounts where you can have as much as GB£500 overdrafts for nothing, so actual benefit = GB£Zero!
3. GB£15 Savings offer: apparently this is an "indicative amount" and "assumes a Cash Mini ISA balance of GB£10k"!!! So to save a tenner, you need a ten grand ISA through this bank too. Wow. Actual benefit = GB£Zero!
4. GB£6.75 global ATM Access: This sounds good...I hate getting charged for withdrawing cash overseas. Actual benefit = GB£6.75.
5. GB£180 Comprehensive Worldwide Travel Insurance: I have a similar policy now and it costs just over GB£100. I don't therefore need another. Actual benefit = GB£Zero!
6. GB£87.50 Hotel discounts: these deals make me laugh! This is based on one family staying one night at Comfort Inn, Notting Hill, London. Why, when I live in London, would I want to stay in an expensive hotel in the middle on nowhere? Actual benefit = GB£Zero!
There's six more reasons - Identity theft assistance (GB£30 saving claimed), cheaper McAfee security software (GB£15), GB£30 cashback if you take a BT broadband connection, discounts on shopping (GB£30) and restaurants (GB£62.50), and also you can save GB£49 on a Thrilling Life experience offer if booked with Yippee-Experiences.com. Amazing; actual benefit = GB£Zero!
To actually get the benefit they say, you need to have a mortgage, a cash ISA, and an overdraft with this bank, travel overseas and make withdrawals from your account regularly (tough when you have an overdraft), zip around a track in a Ferrari, stay at Notting Hill hotels, eat in named restaurants, buy security software just in case bugs climb down your new Broadband line, and shop till you drop...
This sort of crap marketing makes me sick. I don't actually believe that anyone would take out a bank account based on getting any of the above. Would you? You would? Then OK, it gets better!
Would you pay for that priviledge? No? So the GB£12.95 a month they want to charge you (OK, only GB£9.95 for the first three months) isn't going to make you change yor mind is it! NO!!!
GROW UP MARKETEERS! We may be stoopid some of the time, but you cant' expect us to fall for this one! Local you may be, but you are daft too!
