Shouting from the Hop

Where I work, July is the busiest time of the year; it’s not just busier, like some places of work, it’s that we do between three and four times as much work as any other single month of the year. I won’t go into why here, but it just is. Once we get to the end of July, the work dies off completely, and goes back to normal, and that’s the time when me and most of my staff take their summer holidays.

My wife and I left our booking quite late this year, and we couldn’t decide where to go or what to do; as we had had a long driving holiday in April, we didn’t want another one of those, and if we wanted a beach holiday, then we either stayed in Europe (where we have exhausted most of the financially viable places to go - we don’t much like repeating) or go long haul to somewhere hot.

The West Indies is prohibitively expensive in August, and also very humid, and we also thought about going to south-east Asia (where my wife had just spent a month) but that seemed a bit stupid and the weather in August can be very wet. We did think long and hard about going back to Borneo (the one place we do repeat to...) but we couldn’t get reasonably priced flights. Coupled then with the dodgy weather, we decided not to go back just yet...

That left us with few options, but one that my wife did entertain was going to Florida. She really does not like the idea of "doing Disney" as she calls it (though she loves theme parks and fast rides as much a the next person!), but she has always wanted to go to the Florida Keys. We therefore checked out the prices of places and flights and made up our minds.

Sadly, the flights were quite expensive, as we had left it quite late to book. We therefore made a decision that she would get the cheapest flight she could, and I would use my Air Miles, even if this meant travelling on separate flights. And this is what eventually happened - I flew with United, via Washington DC, and she flew with American, outward via New York, and back via Chicago! We arranged it so that both of our departing flights left at pretty much the same time - on both occasions incidentally, my plane took off first. Outward though, she was due to arrive much earlier in Miami than me, due to the long changeover I had at Dulles.

The good news was that my Best Woman, who lives in DC, also agreed to fly down to Miami to spend the weekend with us. Annabel met up with Rachel on the Saturday night, and they had finished dinner and several glasses of wine before I arrived, having been subject to an extra two hour delay in Virginia!

We stayed at The Raleigh Hotel on Miami's South Beach, and it was very nice too, in the main! The plan for Sunday was to relax and hang around the excellent pool area and we were not overly worried by the inaugural pool party that had been advertised for that day. How wrong we were!

After a nice breakfast where we met up with Annabel, we went back to the Raleigh and found our spot by the pool. Many "staff" were buzzing around setting things up - a sound stage, a bubble machine, a fountain that kept "raining" on people in the pool (and annoyingly on the edge). It just got busier and busier. It was great to people watch I guess, and some of the high-heeled shoes that you saw balancing while being walked poolside were amazing! But then the music started to blare out and the thump-thump-thump became too much. It just wasn’t fun anymore, as we got more crowded and people just started to invade our space.

We therefore wandered down to the beach, where the Raleigh has an area full of sun-beds and umbrellas (needed!) and also offered a waiter service for drinks. Sadly, this area on this day was simply lacking any staff who knew what was going on or could make a decision. We got a space, and spent plenty of time messing about in the Ocean but the drinks we asked for never arrived, and no explanation as to why they hadn’t come was offered or given.

We went back eventually through the back entrance and gardens of the hotel, past lots of people smoking what they shouldn’t have been, and made a complaint to the duty manager, who gave one of the best "not my job" excuses I have ever heard.

This soured our expectation of The Raleigh, and we failed to spend any more money there (drinks, food, or on extras) during our stay, such were we annoyed.

The rest of our time in Miami was spent on the beach further south, or eating or drinking, or getting lost. For some reason, I didn’t have my "radar" working and one lunch meeting with Annabel (who was staying at a friends apartment at the southern end of Ocean Boulevard) went horribly wrong as I led my wife to completely the wrong address.

We did find a couple of "interesting" bars - Mac’s Deuce Bar was fun, and the "I’m not Chinese" barman was nice to chat to. He even arranged for a friend of his to step in when a rather drunk patron started to move in on Annabel. Not that Annabel couldn’t look after herself - she changed her name that evening to "Jill", and I’m sure that in-joke will come back to haunt her in future!

We ate at a lovely Italian restaurant called Osteria del Teatro, initially freezing under the air-con before being moved to the window side of the room (left). The staff really looked after us and we had a very nice meal. We also ate at Gloria Estefan’s restaurant - Larios - where they had a wonderful Cuban band playing. The pork belly was also fantastic!

We left Annabel (and "Jill") in Miami after picking up our hire car, and after a farewell sandwich, drove out of the city and across the Everglades toward our next stop - Sanibel Island. Our friends in Mac’s Deuce Bar had advised us not to take Alligator Alley freeway, so we drove on S41, which was more pleasant, if a bit slower. We did hit some major rain as we drove across the state, and by Naples, this had slowed all the traffic down badly. We also got a little lost (not really my fault, just the lack of a good map!) in Fort Myers, but we eventually got on the right road.

Then we had one of those nightmare moments that you come across in the movies...

Rachel decided to change lane, moving from the inside to the outside, as we approached traffic signals. I was a bit surprised when she accelerated having done this and told her to slow down as the lights were red. She then swore and said she had to go faster as a big car had invaded her mirrors and she didn’t know where it had come from! It quickly became obvious that the car we were driving had a large blind spot on the drivers side, and that Rachel had pulled out right in front of this black pick-up...oh well, no harm done. We pulled away as the lights changed, and the pick-up changed lane and passed us on the inside. As it got clear, it veered across in front of us and immediately slammed on its brakes. I had visions of a massive local getting out once it had stopped, brandishing a shot-gun, and blasting us to death before calmly getting back into the cab and driving off - just as you see in the cinema - but luckily, after causing us to brake hard and skid, he backed off and pulled away; point made! This really upset Rachel, but at least it made us aware that we had that blind-spot in the mirrors, and we didn’t make the same mistake again in that car. The pick-up turned off a couple of miles down the road and we didn’t follow...

Sanibel Island is part of a small chain of islands connected to the mainland by three or four toll bridges. We got onto the island without hitch, but again, our lack of a decent map came back to haunt us as we just couldn’t find our "hotel". We drive around for miles, back and forth, until we eventually found our road, with the guest-house at the end. This was a lovely place, right on the beach, and we settled in and wandered along the sands that evening while a storm flashed lightning out to sea.

We had a nice meal in the local steakhouse that night, though Rachel was miffed as I made her drive due to the weather that was still very thundery.

The next day, we mooched around the beach, and rode the complimentary bikes we had been given around the island. The lighthouse area was nice and we watched an osprey eating something up on the lighthouse itself. The beaches are full of shells, and though many are broken or crushed, there are thousands that are lovely examples. As always though, we only took footprints and left pictures! We visited the JN "Ding" Darling National Wildlife Refuge, but it was just too hot to do all of the walk suggested - we did see an Ibis (left), an Egret, a Tri-Colored Heron, and a Red-Shouldered Hawk though! We then rode down to the Bailey Tract, where we were told we might see alligators, but we hardly saw anything, as it was the hottest part of the day.

The next day we drove to Captiva, the next island along the "chain". Here we had a late lunch, and then a few drinks near the beach. We had a lovely meal back on Sanibel on our last evening, another Italian - at Dolce Vita on Periwinkle Way - where a bride danced on her wedding night (when she wasn't outside having a crafty smoke that is!).

Leaving Sanibel, we stopped once more at The Lighthouse Café, which claims to serve the best breakfast in the world - it was good, but not quite that good! - before heading back over to Fort Myers and the road back toward Miami.

We went a slightly different way back toward Miami, cutting out the slow part of the road between Naples and Fort Myers, driving onto part of Alligator Alley before heading south and joining S41 again. Back on the highway, we stopped at one of the air-boat tour places (which was recommended, but I won’t say which one) for a ride. About 16 of us jumped aboard the air-boat, and after setting off, we stopped amid the Everglades sawgrass while our pilot gave us the low-down on what we could see, might see, and should expect. Sadly, the only real question was when will we see the 'gators, which must be quite sickening for the guides, who are a fount of knowledge on the area.

Sure enough, we soon stopped in an area resembling a canal, and there in the near distance came swimming up a 'gator! We all took pictures and then moved on another fifty yards or so where the process was repeated with yet another female alligator. This seemed to go on and on for about half an hour...All of them had names - Carolyn, Betty-Sue and the like, but we didn’t see any male 'gators. The pilot/guide fed them a marshmallow to thank them for coming over to see us, which is highly illegal I hear (and hence why I won’t name the tour we took); when asked what he was feeding them, in his best redneck accent, he said "I ain't feedin' them nothin'. That would be eee-llegal; I have no idea what it is that is fallin' from the sky and what they is eatin'?" In some ways, I know he shouldn't be giving them marshmallows, but all the tourists on that boat would have felt cheated if they hadn’t seen a 'gator...so I'll forgive him just this once. At least this tour group didn't lay on any wrestling of the creatures, which many of the other tour groups do...I would have drawn the line at that!

We were on our way to Key West, but we did not have a hotel booked for that night, as we really didn’t know where we would go or what we would want to do on that drive southwards. The guide book we used was very complimentary about some of the small hotels in Islamorada, one of the middle Keys, and after a couple of throat quenchers in Alabama Jack’s on the back road (905-A) into Key Largo, we started to call the hotels to try to book a room. Sadly, this Saturday night was a doozy, as (we later found out) it was the start of lobster season off the Keys, and all the hotels (and the Keys themselves) were very full. It then became obvious that the further we went on the more we would struggle to find somewhere to stay, so we turned about and drove back from Islamorada all the way to Florida City where we found a room at the local Best Western.

Next morning, we drove off past Alabama Jack’s again, and stopped at Theater of the Seas, for a show. A very old (comparatively) kind of Sea-World aquarium place, we saw dolphins leaping (left), turtles waving, parrots performing, and plenty of young kids screaming before calling it a day and getting back in the car.

We continued driving south-west along Highway 1, through Islamorada, and the middle Keys, and onto Seven-Mile Bridge. Here we had a great view of a pretty heavy rain-storm that would slow us down over the next few miles (pic below). Then on into Key West itself where we took a wrong turn and ended up turning around through some very deep puddles that the storm had left behind. We found our hotel, after driving round in circles a couple of times, and they upgraded our room which was very nice of them.

Key West is a bit of a weird town; like most of south Florida, it has a very high gay population (nearly every barman we met was apparently gay...), but it also has a very high misogynistic streak. Duval Street is like a mini-version of Bourbon Street in New Orleans (if you have ever been to the French Quarter, you’ll know what I mean...); it has bars playing loud music, many with live bands; it has strip joints; it has transvestites holloring to the sidewalk as they are driven up and down on a convertible; it has street performers, one with a white python; it has drunken frat boys who can’t hold their beer; it has Harley Davidson’s roaring up and down, and electric cars and tricycles slowly poodling along; it has all sorts! Now, if you can live with this eclectic mix, then Key West is for you. Me, well I just went with the flow!

Our first meal in town gave us a feel of what to expect - it was Sunday night, and busy, as the sun had set. We went into a hotel that had a recommended restaurant. The obviously gay waiter was doing a good job, when my wife ordered a "Gin and Slimline tonic; if you don’t have Slimline" she added "just any tonic is fine." So what does she get, Tonic Water! No gin in sight! Funnily enough, we went back to this restaurant (as the food was very nice) on our last night, and I asked for a Cuba Libre, but with dark rum. The waiter asked "Coca Cola and lime?" I thought about this, and surmised that he was checking to see if I wanted Diet Coke or full fat and with or without lime, so I said yes. Back came a Coke with Lime. I asked where the rum was? He said that he thought I'd said I wanted a Cuba Libre without rum. I said that if I wanted a Cuba Libre without rum I would have asked for a Coke with lime. He failed to apologise completely!

As we had booked six nights in town, I wasn’t in much of a mood to race through all the things that you could do in Key West in one day; we went for a wander on our first day, to the most southern point in the continental USA, which is close to the southernmost hotel, bar, street, pier, beach, and no doubt dog and cat in continental USA...we were walking round the back streets of Key West when a short sharp shower hit us from nowhere -– we ran to a small café for cover, but still got wet.

We went to Ernest Hemingway’s former home that afternoon, and what a nice place it was. The guide was excellent in telling us how Ernest had lived there for ten years or so (most of the thirties) with his (2nd) wife, and his cats. The cats are amazing, and descendants are still there! About 50 of them! And they all have genes that give them extra toes! Some have one or two extra toes on the front paws, and some on the back, and some on both! Weird, but fun. They are cared for really well, and there are lots of cat-houses all over the gardens in the shadey areas. There is even a graveyard, and the guide told us it was the only place in the world where you will find Marilyn Monroe buried next to Frank Sinatra! The swimming pool was built while Ernie was away on one of his jaunts (sunning himself in Spain or somewhere probably...), and it cost a fortune back then; after getting rather upset about the cost of it on his return, he apparently threw a penny from his pocket onto the ground and told his wife that she may as well have his last cent as she had spent all his other money! That cent piece is now preserved in concrete next to the pool!

Some of the other things we enjoyed in Key West were the Pirate Museum, where you can sit in a darkened room and listen to the last moments of Blackbeard before he was beheaded, plus the Butterfly House, where we spent about 90 minutes watching amazing butterfly’s and moths swarm around a pretty room hoping that one would land on you (and therefore bring you luck) - eventually one did! The wreckers museum was also OK, and I enjoyed climbing the rickety lookout tower, and ringing the bell at the top!

On a couple of days, massive cruise ships were in dock, and that made the town much busier than on days when they weren’t in port. We therefore had one day when we just hung around the hotel and didn’t do much except mess around the swimming pool and spa.

We also took a day trip out to the Dry Tortugas, the end-most Key of the chain, and about 70 miles west of Key West harbour (left, at sunrise). The catamaran was a fun trip, but not too much fun that you couldn’t enjoy it. Dry Tortugas contains the largest masonry fort in the western hemisphere - Fort Jefferson (below). On arrival, we took the tour provided and listened to tales of how the Fort was built; how long it lasted (1846 till about 1870...); and how strategically important it was at that time. They never did finish it so I guess it’s a big folly really. In the afternoon, after lunch had been provided, we went to one of the beaches, and Rachel went snorkeling near the coral that is local. She was surprised when a large Tarpon fish swam right up to her, and others there also saw Nurse Sharks and lots of other native fish. We wandered back to the boat and had a drink or two on the way back - it had to be rum!

Sadly Key West was not the best place in the world to see a sunset; we had been advised to go to a roof bar at one of the hotels on Duval but the two days we went up there as the sun got low, it disappeared behind large clouds on the horizon and left a weak wet sunset effect. Only on our last night did we see anything like a reasonable sunset - maybe at other times of year it is better?

We had to leave early on our last day in order to get back to Miami and drop off the hire car at the airport, before catching our flights. We had a pretty good run, and stopped off for breakfast, and still got to the airport with plenty of time to spare...or so we thought. At the Alamo drop off, we arrived to see police cars with lights flashing, and one of the courtesy buses spread across the road half way into a field and through a fence. I guess the driver forgot to turn the wheel, or maybe the bus was heavier than he thought? Who knows? It didn’t look like anyone was hurt, but it did back up all the passengers waiting to get over to the terminals. I said goodbye to Rachel as she was dropped off at the American terminal first, and then I went into the United area. Both of us, it transpires, had long queues to encounter, and both of us were a bit worried about catching our planes, so slow were the lines.

In the end, we were both fine, though we didn’t have time for any shopping. Our fights were scheduled to take off at exactly the same time, but my flight was first down the runway. I had a short stopover in DC, and a chance for some food, and then made it onto my transatlantic flight. It was pretty uneventful, and arrived in London early, so I could pick up my bag, and get over to Rachel’s terminal to meet her. Then we met our cabbie and were driven home, tired but happy.

It was a nice holiday, and great to see Annabel again, but without too many massive highlights...but I suppose after Namibia that was always going to be the case.